No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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