The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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