hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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