theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize