I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
3pm strippers are depressing
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
