Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
