Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Two words: blizzard sex
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
