Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize