Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
