Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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