sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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