is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
