Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
