yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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