yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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