he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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