i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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