why didn't you poke me back
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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