nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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