i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
