I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
this is an emotional support booty call
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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