what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
