highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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