she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
