That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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