my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
