There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
