NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
