Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
