So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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