I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
