I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
