Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Someone shit on the floor
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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