Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
