Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
