you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
