Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
