Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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