Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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