Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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