PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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