Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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