He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This baby is an asshole
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize