That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
