True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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