I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Who died my cat blue again?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
