He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
