as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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