med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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