Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
