I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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