she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
