idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
