yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
