Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize