i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
