i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
