I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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