i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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