I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
