i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
