Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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