I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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