Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
