I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
