Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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