i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
