he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
