I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
