There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
